I could make wine with my vomit
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
