census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
