Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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