she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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