I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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