You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
love makes seman taste better
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
