Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
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