He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Randomize
