I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
