Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Randomize
