i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Houston, we have a squirter
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
Randomize
