i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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