DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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