Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
We're too hungover to prance.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
