There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
