anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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