why didn't you poke me back
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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