I like to think it a success when the cops are called
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
