I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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