my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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