dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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