my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
