honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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