You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Randomize
