I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
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