i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
