Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Randomize
