so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
