Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
