Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
