i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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