There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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