Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I am one with the molecules
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
