he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
