Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
