i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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