man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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