he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
