When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
