I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
