you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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