tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
