and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
