3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
