i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Sext me about skeletons
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
