She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
