is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
