don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
