Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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