I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
