is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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