I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
