Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
