every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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