u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Ketchup is God's man juice
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
