I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
You left your underwear on the fireplace
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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